and now for a commercial break...

I'm pretty sure that using kid friendly pill shaped action figures to entice drug buyers is not considered kosher back home.

But why else do you think I bought them? It wasn't just for the toys; I actually do have a cold, a pretty nasty one, and I couldn't have asked for a more instructive display:

Snot (called hana mizu, or nose water, in Japanese) + pills = happy.

Bring on the happy.

en route to Christchurch

After conquering Fox Glacier and claiming it in the name of North America (we decided to share), we parked our rubbery legs in a nice hostel in Hokitika. (Pronounced by us, "Hokitikitikitookitikita.")

Church in Hokitika.

The next day we headed due east to Christchurch, where we were to spend New Years Eve.

It was on this leg, after all those winding roads, that we finally hit a long straight stretch. At which point I may or may not have taken advantage of this by speeding a little (shown here in this dramatic reenactment).

After which point I may or may not have been pulled over by a sneaky policeman around a bend who may or may not have caught this incident on a super sneaky overhead camera. To my credit, I was only going 5 kph over the acceptable limit, which is like what, 3.2 mph? Plus I’m pretty sure it was while I was passing one of those annoying camper vans. Anyway, before you start hyperventilating (mom), I was later advised by a completely un-sneaky policeman to flee the country without paying the fine. What a magnificent place. Although this may interfere with my plans to emigrate there. They might be less willing to accept a fugitive from the law. Dang it. I knew I should have showed him my Japanese license instead. They would never have been able to track down a Miss “ケイトリンハンセン.”

Episode 9: Glacier climbing

Here's the part where we get adventurous. After Queenstown we booked it up the West Coast to Fox Glacier, strapped on our spiky shoes, grabbed some sticks, and went climbing. We were so living on the edge. See?

"Extreme risk to life." "Verboten."

Our tour guide casually led us under the rope past this sign, and we were off.

We must take the ring to Mordor...

It is mine...!
Success!

more Queenstown

View from gondola.

The closest we came to an adventure activity in Queenstown was walking up a really steep hill, but next time, this is me.

"I hate cats. Go away. You're stupid and gross."

"But I loooooove you...."

"Wait what are you doing...? Get off of me."

Sunset from the hostel.

I was so blown away by the beauty that I couldn’t help but start moshing.

So long, Queenstown.

Episode 8: Queenstown

A cheesery!
Swanky cheese sampler plate.

Big fruit in Cromwell.

Queenstown! A touristy but beautiful city, and the "adventure capitol of New Zealand." Or so the brochures for overpriced adventure activities kept telling us.

Lake Wakatipu.

Thai food!

Episode 7: Lake Tekapo, Twizel

We said goodbye to our three new whale friends and headed down to Christchurch to spend the night on our way to Queenstown. If it weren’t for the kindness of a few crazy friendly older ladies, we’d probably still be stuck in a place called Dommet, a town in between the two, population: 12, from the looks of it. This was not our fault. There is no way that we could have guessed that not a single gas station on the east coast of New Zealand would be open. I don’t care if it was the day after Christmas.

So needle on E, passing closed gas station after closed gas station, we spotted a fading backpackers sign and decided to pull in and ask if they knew of a miracle station within the next few miles. We almost didn’t go in- the place didn’t exactly look like an established hostel, more like somebody’s house, and if we’d seen the preview for that new Hostel movie, we’d have probably taken our chances with E (and ended up stranded gassless on a curve, watching our car get smashed to pieces).

Good thing we decided to poke around the back. The three white haired ladies didn’t look at all surprised to see us, and before asking us why we were there invited us to sit down to some steaks, salad, and beer. Gramma tells us they were just sitting down to their “ginnies,” and to have a seat. Not wanting to impose, we say “oh, that’s really nice, actually we were just wondering if you know of a nearby gas station that might be open..?” They laughed at us. A lot. “You must be f***ing joking.” “Er…um…no, actually…” “Where did you want to go?” “Christchurch?” “Oh you MUST be f***ing joking. Sit down and eat.” (It’s so great when cute old ladies swear.)

Anyway, they had enough gas at the house to fill half a tank, which the manliest of the three ran out and did without letting us move from our chairs, while we snacked on home grown olives. She told us that we wouldn’t have made it up the next hill let alone to the next town on what was left in that tank. A bunch of funny conversations and about a bucket of olives later, we were on our way. Just one of many examples of the tremendous hospitality of New Zealanders.

Church of the Good Shepherd on Lake Tekapo.

Lake Tekapo was the location of perhaps the best meal of the trip: tomato and garlic hummus on warm crusty bread with cucumbers and cheese half gooed from being in the hot car. Mmmmmmmmm……

Stunning. My Lord of the Rings location guidebook (...um, not that I bought a Lord of the Rings location guidebook...what kind of dork would that make me?) tells me that the milky turquoise color is derived from glacial rock suspended in the water. Neat. After Tekapo we stopped at Lake Pukaki. I don't have a picture, I just wanted to say Pukaki.

New Zealand's tallest peak- view of Mt. Cook from the road.

Next stop was a gorgeous B&B in Twizel, owned by friends of our kiwi friend Ben who also works in Fukui. Twizel, as i'm sure most of you know, was the filming location of the Battle of the Pelennor Fields at Ered Nimrais. (No?)

You can't tell from the picture, but that's Mt. Cook smack in front of our private porch attached to our classy room. The place was swarming with sheep when we got there. It was tough not to settle in and stay there all week. Especially after we woke up to a giant bacon and omelette and tea and toast breakfast.

It sure beats hostels.

Episode 6: Whale watching

The next bit of excitement was whale watching in Kaikoura. Before I complain, let me say first that I thoroughly enjoyed this excursion—both the watching of the whales, and the thrillingly choppy boat ride out to whale territory. However, before they load you onto the boat, they crowd all 100 or so passengers into a little theater and show you a video filled with dolphins doing tricks, 12 varieties of whales, rare birds, and I think I saw a unicorn. It’s not until you’re actually on the boat that they mention that the average number of whales spotted on these trips is two. Also, the whales in season were sperm whales, probably the least acrobatic of the whale family. Still, we saw three whales (above average!), and learned why sperm whales are called sperm whales (their heads have a huge cavity filled with oil, possibly used as a flotation/anti-flotation device as the oil solidifies or melts depending on water temperature, and old-timey whale killer people thought it was sperm).

We saw a whole lot of this...

And not so much of this...

And certainly none of this.

Episode 5: The hills are alive...

"Ooooooh Heaven is a place on earth..."

I had to force myself to stop taking pictures of the surreally beautiful countryside, because there's no way my camera could do it justice. The trip involved a lot of driving, which I thought might get tiresome, but turned out to be the highlight-- definitely the best way to see New Zealand. We constantly had to pull over to gawk at the hills, lakes, rivers, forests, and ravines so that we didn't drive right into them. The roads were incredibly twisty, and there was a tendency to get stuck behind annoying camper vans, but the weather was perfect, the speed limit was 100kph, and we had snacks. Could it get any better than this?